I always dream of living alone.
It’s not because my housemates are less than pleasant – my parents, bless their hearts, have been nothing but generous to me in the past eighteen years. Still, I dream of the day I break away from this perpetual dependence on the provisions of others and fly out into real world.
Perhaps it is because I have yet to experience the burden of being fully independent that I am so optimistic about getting a taste of what it’s like to be an adult: money can only be earned by getting a job, and what you earn will be given away to pay your loans and your bills. Occasionally, what you spend will cost more than what is left after you’ve paid it all off.
Earning a job isn’t exactly a walk in the park either. No matter how good you may seem on paper, there will always be someone smarter, faster, and more qualified than you are. And when you finally land yourself a job, the pay will not always be good from the get-go – at times, you may even find that it isn’t enough.
Despite this, I still dream of independence. I see it in a modest apartment that makes me feel as at home as I would be in my hometown, my refuge from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, in the heart of the city; and when I’ve committed the local routes to memory, known the street names by heart, and saved up enough money, a car may be on the way to sate my usual urges for short-distance travel.
I dream of being content with myself: the person I was, the person I am, and the person I will be. I want to know the feeling of being unbound by my regrets, to be genuinely satisfied by what I have accomplished in life, and yet still having the drive to strive and achieve more.
I dream of a good career, with a pay enough to sustain me well past each payday. I can only hope that what I do for the rest of my life will be what I’ve always dreamt of doing, despite my perpetual indecision about what I want to do in life.
And lastly, I dream of being able to present myself to my friends and family as a woman who has grown into the shape she has always been meant to occupy, someone capable of performing the duties she is expected to fill. I want to give back to those who have given so much and supported me through thick and thin.
Image source: Thought Catalog